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Play in new window Download Duration: You want to not only just go dance but you want to feel free while How to break out of your shyness do it. The first thing is we have to understand what is the prison of shyness? What is keeping us restricted? And shyness really comes down to two basic things. We can sum it up as this. It is the fear of judgment is the first thing, afraid of other people judging you.
And then the second part of shyness is as a result of that fear, you inhibit your behavior. And we think about this, the metaphor of a prison is actually very accurate.
It fits on really well. So, think about shyness as a prison. So, when someone is incarcerated in a cell, they are extremely limited. Their behavior is drastically limited. I know it sounds fun, dancing. I got a date with Warcraft 3 on Friday night.
So, again, inhibited held back, right? Well, I was afraid of judgment. So, I was afraid of people looking at me. I would be terrified. It would be like it would kill me. I got 60 more days until I get out. Shyness prison is there with you. You go to a new school, shyness prison.
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New job shyness prison. I am judging you. So, you pull back. So, you avoid it. To go with the bars, the bars are electrified. And so, stay with How to break out of your shyness. There is the fear of disapproval and then inhibiting your behavior. I have two cats myself. His name is Callum. This is so great. He keeps mewling at me. Impetigo, what is it? Anyone having a thought in their mind that is critical of me is dangerous. Someone could look at you and have a judgmental critical thought and not even want to have that thought.
People are going to have judgmental thoughts. I mean we do all the time. That person is too close to me. So, you got to drop that. You got to drop that perpetual concern that people are going to judge. Yeah, I agree with that judgment. You are your own worst critic and you are imagining, creating, fabricating, hallucinating that other people are having those same perceptions in their brains.
Why are his facial muscles tight?
I got to get away from him. And so, he operated based upon that belief. And he actually came in and did a weekend intensive with me, it was awesome. We went around Portland and did all these fun experiments. We actually roped the people into doing 30 seconds straight of eye contact with him which is an amazing social experiment in itself to see how I could just go to people and say hi.
Would you, it only takes about 30 seconds, are you interested? So, what was your experience? And we probably do this with like maybe 12 or 14 people. Actually afterwards he laughed.
You really assemble like a crack team of all your friends and associates to pretend to be random strangers on the street. That is you judging yourself.
So, we have to attack it at its root. We have to help you shifted at its root. I mean, I spent years totally inhibited, terrified of dancing like dance phobic, man. Why, for word of mouth it would be like someone you imagine that really critical person, what exactly would they be thinking in you? He is off rhythm. He is trying too hard. You just know you feel bad.
You avoid the thing and you never really examined it. I invite you and encourage you to do this with me. Your example might be dancing.
So, it speaks, it hits home for a lot of people. Find it now so you can play along with me, so you can get the most out of this. Because listening passively is not going to change your life. He was a college student. Well, you get all the specifics judgments that I just listed before as an example and then you practice responding to them as if you were dealing with a horrible critic. But here is how it sounds with me playing both parts. I learn this from David Burns who is an amazing cognitive therapist.
Yeah, you know I felt a little stiff and awkward when I was dancing. I was just trying to listen to music and get into it and see if I could feel it and I probably did miss the beat a lot actually.
You really look pathetic. I did actually feel really good times and really got into it and I honestly think that when I get into it, I do feel better and sure, I probably actually look better.
I am responding to the critic in several ways. So, I encourage you if you want to go deeper in this check on my book The Solution to Social Anxiety.
I go a lot more into it, in there about how to really flush out the feared fantasy and how to do with yourself, how to enroll a friend. You can get that book on Amazon. So, check out that book.
So, what happens if we stop inhibiting? What happens if we stop holding back? So, the last step is breaking free. And this is the major turning point. You do the thing. That means in this example is you go dance and you go talk to that person. And so, whenever you notice yourself holding back and inhibiting, you do the opposite and it starts really small. Are your shoulders slumped? Is your head kind of down?